Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
