I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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