Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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