So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
