so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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