my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
