Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
