so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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