it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
