I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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