wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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