dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I checked into jail on foursquare
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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