mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
