What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
