oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
