I will die if light touches me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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