U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
