If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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