I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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