I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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