I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
