I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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