Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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