she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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