Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
