grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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