I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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