Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you never un-have a 4some
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
