had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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