Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
