I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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