Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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