Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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