come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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