I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
