I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
