I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
