My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
