That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
