K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
