So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
