I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
