I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
