so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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