Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
