Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
