If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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