we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
