I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
