woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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