If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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