good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
