Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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