I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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