When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
