Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
