Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
