he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
