Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
