Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
