1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
